Hostess Anxiety

It's me.

No. Not THAT me.

It's the dirty hair, filthy bedroom, pile o' laundry tacklin' me... the one who is starting projects but not seeing them to completion... who has piles for donation, keep and give away in just-about every room.  The me who is nervous about the two tests in Mrs. Brooks' third grade class today and who is exhausted just thinking about her to-do list.  Do you have a 'me' like this?

I'm not feeling like my fabulous self at this moment.  My favorite time of year is approaching, I love Thanksgiving, I'm preparing for family and food but something happened... something that has knocked me off the fab wagon.



I planned for this past Sunday to be my productive day.  A day where I would somehow manage to wash, clean, scrub, organize, decorate, cook for the week and more.  We went to church and we ran to the grocery store for Thanksgiving ingredients.  When we arrived home, I sat down to enjoy a few minutes with my garlic hummus (yes, I love my hummus.  It's my carrot's BFF)... that is, until Hubbs came home from his part-time job.  He excitedly announced he wanted to tackle the leaves and finish the outdoor Christmas decor (... I've promised once and I'll do it again.  Islanders, we shall not discuss Christmas until after Thanksgiving).  I felt so accomplished that we got it done but my plans to get the house clean and to conquer the world?  Well, those plans were lost in one of the 15 bags of leaves piled up for trash pick-up.

After taking a moment to rest, I checked my phone on my way to clean the kitchen.  I got a text.  My friend wanted to come by this Wednesday... as in, the day before Thanksgiving.  I responded, without thinking, "OF COURSE!!"

Then, my eyes welled with tears.  I felt my chest tighten.  Breathing?  O, that.  Well, that became difficult.

I should've said no.  But.  I don't want to.  Do I?  No.  I enjoy the time together.  OMG! My plans to scrub throughout the week and deep-clean this coming weekend are totally out the window (... they, too, are crushed by thousands of leaves in big black bags).  I have until WEDNESDAY to have my home ready for hosting guests.

...but I didn't plan to host.  I didn't plan to fix breakfast on Thanksgiving... or to stay up late on Wednesday... I planned to be mousing around my house... in an UNstate of mind - UNbothered, UNcombed, UNkept, UNconcerned.  Now, I've got to wash sheets.  Should I paint?  No. Wait, welllll...

Why do this to yourself, Tabitha?  You love the sound of people.  You enjoy their children giggling.  You always have an awesome time.  Why are you stressing out?

Islanders, I don't know how to fix this hostess anxiety.  I do, however, know that I have to figure this out.  I have to balance my perspective of hosting so I can be a good host... without killing myself in the process.  Seriously.  What good am I to my friends if I lose an entire night's sleep scrubbing the house and, as a result, am too tired to enjoy the time with them when they arrive?

I may not be able to prevent my hostess anxiety THIS time but I'm already considering ways to avoid this from happening for Christmas.  I know, I know.  We're not talking about it!!

Do you have moments like this when preparing for guests?  How are you avoiding the stress of hosting over the holidays?