Event Planner Resentment - A Real Struggle.

My posts since Saturday have really been a peek into my mood.  Saturday evening, I posted about the party.

I can't wait to share the decor ideas I came up with because it was so easy to create an elegant atmosphere for this event!

Let me say, while the event was flawless, I wasn't.  Preparing for this event forced me to reflect on my general attitude towards events lately.  In the case of this party, it was for a bestie's semi-surprise bday.  Her hubby reached out for my help decorating and I was all-in.  He asked me to drive to the next town to pick-up the sweets.  Bakers were reaching out to confirm their availability.  Her friend was catering and we were discussing ideas. I was *like* in.  Then, life happened last Monday and my car was determined to be unsafe to drive.

DOES VOLKSWAGEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS FOR A BUSY PARTY PLANNER?

Emergency service.  No loaner available.  No vehicle.  No driving around to pick-up supplies.  No trunk to load with party stuff.  No confirming times to pick-up sweets with vendors.  I started to stress.

I have THINGS to do.  People are depending on me.  I don't have a car.  Hubbs was taking me to work, co-workers were bringing me home. Bumming rides? I was getting my kid off the school bus.  We WALKED to the school when she forgot her folder with her homework inside.

IS THIS LIFE?  I felt helpless.  I felt the stress rising with every passing day.  I felt alone in this struggle.  Then, it happened.

 I DEVELOPED EVENT PLANNER RESENTMENT.


What's that, you ask?  Oh, it's this moment where your inner event planner curses always being the event planner... where you wish YOUR time was YOURS.  It's a moment when you look at your to-do list and, flustered, you scratch off everything for yourself - housework? Not going to happen. Washing the kid's hair?  Nope.  Laundry?  Any excuse not to do it.  Right?  You've been there, right?  NO?!  Just me, huh?  *shrugs*

You start rescheduling and condensing your weekend.  You rework your mental calendar to eliminate sleep just so you can accommodate everything.  You say things like, "Sleep?  Who needs sleep?  I mean, I don't need sleep..."  and you watch those around you squint in disdain at the thought of you being hospitalized because you tried the impossible, to get everything done.

This past weekend I experienced Event Planner Resentment and it wasn't about the birthday girl.  It wasn't about her hubby's requests.  It wasn't about resenting them.  I know it was me.  Just me... resenting my own life circumstances.

Here I was.  Helpless.  No transportation and trying my hardest not to be an inconvenience.  Secretly, I was stressing myself out to try and get things done.  What if I don't have a car of my own on Saturday?  Will Hubbs leave 4 hours before an event starts to drive me one hour away to set-up?

Anyhoo, did it work out?  Yes.  I got my car at 11:00 a.m. Saturday morning.  I ran errands, returned home to craft, finalized my decor plans, loaded my car and had just enough time to climb on my home's roof.

Yes, climb on the roof.

Totally a NO 'BIG DEAL' moment.  NOT!

Hubbs and I planned to clear the gutters and power wash the house.  Hubbs was all set to work and I was rushing to get things done.  I could sense that he was in the mood to work and I didn't want to miss this opportunity to FINALLY get some Spring yard work done.  Listen, when the man starts working on the Honey Do list, you go with it.  So, onto the roof I climbed, gutters I cleaned, favorite leggings I ruined, hair I got dirty.

Despite the yard work, the kid and I made it for set-up on time.  We all worked to set-up for the event and, I must say, the decor was fabulous.  My nerves and my attitude were shot.  BUT whyyyyyyy???

--- Tune in tomorrow for more ----

Together, we'll work this, Islanders.  We'll discuss some of the issues I've been faced with lately.  There's some major news to come.  There's also some harsh realities to face.  We're going to get real about what all of this means for me.  Who knows.  You may be able to relate.

As you know, I pride myself on being real.  This island is a safe place... MY safe place.  It's not easy to be open and honest about how I feel but, like my Wordless Wednesday post says, sometimes I've got to "sit down at the [computer] and bleed."

This is my diary, my therapy and my form of holding myself accountable for becoming the best me yet.

Stay tuned!